Asthmatic

Oh my goodness! I just had an asthma attack. It has been well over 4 years since I had my last attack, this is almost un-heard of for me. My son is now 4 years old, and I wasn't even carrying him the last time. Girl, pull yourself together!

I have to begin eating right again.
Reading more Holy Qur'an.
All prayers have to be offered on time.
My exercise regimen will need to get put back into place real soon.
My schedule has been on point until today.

The illness has put me in an interesting position. I feel like I'm on standby waiting for something to happen again. This is always how it feels when my asthma sparks up. And then earlier I began to break out in little bumps all over my face and a few places on my body. Ok, now that I type out this experience, I'm getting scared! What is happening to me?


"Hesbiy Allahu Wa Ni'mal Wakeel."

You Make Me Bipolar

　
They say opposites attract
But I beg to differ
See I figure
You follow the rules of love you'd never paint a perfect picture
So Mr.
I'ma follow your lead and we can make our own roadmap
Call it a love depicter
Intersect paths to create a maze-trap
And I never wanna find my way out of this
Because the way you make me feel
There's no way except it, accept it
I'd believe your every word even if I knew it were fictitious
Your love is delicious
Addictive
And I'm addicted
　
Buuuuut
I hate you
You make me feel like i'm mentally unstable
My memory is unable to out-date you
If only you were fable
And I were capable
Of letting you go
But I can't
Because emotionally I'm over-flowed
The worst part is you know
And I hate it so
So
Release me from your spell
From this high I fell
Oh well
　
They say dreams come true
And I know that they do
Because in the midst of chaos
I managed to find you
You're like a picturesque vase
And I your rose
Encased
Safe
In a secret place
With me
Only you can relate
And it's crazy because I know you can't be replaced
That's the reality I face
But as the days pass by
I pray the feeling subsides
　
Buuuuut
I can't stand you
Cause you were full of lies
And when I confronted you about it
I got no reply
Hmph!
I won't ask why
Just keep my hands raised to the sky
Riiiiight
This is real love?
Just disguised
You're like my enemy
All that you said about being a freind ta'me
Was poppycock
And I can usually decipher through things sensibly
　
They say when you meet your soulmate
You'll get that feeling
So we've finally met
And your words are so indearing
I can still feel his eyes peering through me
Even when he's away
Please stay, pray, and never stray from our union
Our love is like a communion
And we share it so well
And it's so heartfelt
My love is beauty and you're eyes are the beholder
I'm an X-box and you're my controller
Your grip may be loose but you keep thinking
"I can still hold-her"
Still console her
　
Aaaaand it's true
You definitely can
Because one thing I'll never do
Is misunderstand
Nor will I ever
let go of your hand

I'm sorry

I may not be as expressive as I usually am and I want to apologize. In the future some time I will pick it up, but I wanted to notify you that it won't be too soon. Whenever there is an update, I will definitely let you know, but for now I'm signing out. Love to all!

Strange....

You just don't understand me, and never could. Because I am nothing like you, or her, or anyone else.

Night

Alright Blogspot I must go. I hope you enjoyed this night because it was very rare. Don't know when I will blog this much again in one single night, but I didn't know it would happen tonight either. I have to attempt resting. I have an exam Sunday and I haven't studied at all for it
*sigh*

Fareal?

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooow Shaq! Just wow! I mean, you really have disappointed me. If those messages were real, I am so upset. What is it that makes the world such a deceitful place these days. I guess I need to stop having so much hope, even though I don't want to. Dag man! I'm just waiting for the next celeb to be in the news. Now I feel like, it's all of them and it just hasn't been manifest yet. Btw, it's not just celebrities, it's the poeple you know too. You probably know more cheaters than you think you do. O.m.g. I'm about to go cry, I can't take it!

This is called....

Speed bloggin. You should try it sometimes, it's therapeutic...

P.O.E.T.

Person. Orally. Expressing. Their-self. Holla!

So about this TSA manual

I'm just trying to figure out if all of these "accidental security bleeps" are really, "accidental." If you ask me, there seems to be some sort of organized plan they have for a "terrorist" attack soon. America really, why so many mishaps, so close together with security? Especially when we've been attacked soooo many times. Right? Haven't we been attacked alot? Yeah sure!

Never get comfortable.

It is juuuust when you have gotten comfortable enough to relax, when Allah shows you that NOTHING is forever save Him. I mean like, nothing belongs to you, not even you. Even you belong to Him, so never get comfortable. No sooner than you begin to rest will He shake you and say, WAKE UP and worship me, nothing and no one else. If you lose sight of Him, or neglect your duties to Him, He will become jealous. Thereafter He will either take that which distracts you from Him away forever, or temporarily to teach you a lesson...it's that lesson that disturbs me. I hope I understand, and never forget these lessons...

Lost

If my prayers never received answers
I'd still pray
Because at the end of the day
I know You're listening
Even when I'm whispering
And hear me
Even when I'm just thinking
But what if
I can't lift my arms
And what if my thoughts don't process properly
And what if I can't face You because I'm too ashamed
And I can't say Your name
Because I'm not worthy
Just
What if.....
If my prayers never received answers
I'd still believe in You
Because I know in You I can find truth
Like no others do
And that our friendship will never be damaged through
The whispers of others
And if I feel this way
Why don't I act as if I believe
And why is it so hard to bow down when I'm in need
And how come scabbed wounds open and bleed
And I know giving up will not set me free
But living through it
Hurts more
So I pray for
A brighter day
They say "When the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray"
Well I say it's true
So in that position I'll stay
Because I'm not strong enough to stand anyway
And being weak before You
Is better than just being weak
And since I can't sleep
I'll remain awake and weep
In the still of this very night
I weep......

Salahi's.....

I just find it interesting that this whole thing occurred. Obviously this is a distraction of some sort. From what? I haven't figured that out yet, but this is just my opinion. Who in a nation would have better security than the President of that nation? No one! I don't think that they (The Salahi's) slipped through security, I think it was one of two things. It was planned to distract our attention from the bigger things that are taking place, like I said before, or, they showed up and were shown the utmost hospitality.

It's just not possible that they snuck through such a planned out, highly secured event with no problems, when no one was expecting them. I don't buy it at all! But I will stay attentive to see how this unfolds though, I'm interested. I guess they got me too....

Oh well!

*Sigh*

The evolution of me
Obviously
Is emitting growth of me
So grow with me
Or show me the way
I can't argue that my path is straight
But if you have no proof of astray
Then just stay
Be still
Be quiet
Be real
My eyes are wide open
And this heart
It feels
It cries
It spills
Over with emotion
I know I'm not holding the answer to the future
But my hands do possess the knowledge of it's producer
And His book is it's proofer
My grip is no looser
Than it used to be
I'm just on the road to find happiness
I won't lose myself on the road of this
His Hand stays hovered over me
And I'm quite aware of it's detailed list
I must exemplify a true muslimah
I must give up my relaxed demeanor
This lady
I see her
More focused than she's ever been
Ready to grace the world with mic and a pen
In the midst of sin
I can make some sense
Cause it seems I've been all over the world
And still can't find many with more than two cents
Of deen in their life
I don't mean to be judgemental
But if He shows me the signs
Should I ignore it each time?
Does He not clearly define
That these are the last days in time?
I only wish to be under His light while I unfold
Unwind
Washing each limb and I pray they shine
It's fine
I'll take this to Him
But I won't promise you much else
And I'll never pretend...

I miss you

They say the heart grows fonder when absence is present
I guess that's why my soul yearns for your presence....

Give me....

A mic......

I dont

Wanna hurt no more, because I've cried before..........

Untitled

At dawn I wake for You
Afternoon I pray to You
Mid day we meet again
Early evening whisperin
At night I give farewell
Pray I'll be kept from hell
Read Your Holy scriptures
Make my Wajib Witr
This is a perfect picture
But it's not my constant thikr
See I struggle on this path
Hoping this moment lasts
Just a while longer
While I strive to become stronger
This dunya will not harm her
Will not harm me, rather
I'm wishing and praying
That I make it safe and sound
To the hereafter

Coquettes

Posted up on the dance floor
Billboards
Video whores
Women who say they want respect but dress like they're waitng to get scored
Faces painted, like painted faces facing a sentence
Sentenced to life on cheeks
Eyelids
Lips
Listening to this message and you contemplatin getting with it
But it's momentary
You see
In the eyes of every person lies a peephole to the soul
I see the body of most women and revealed curves they behold
There she goes
SOLD! To the next bidder
Auctioned off through pick-up lines and each time you think it's a form of flattery
Self provoking physical battery
Rape victims imprisoned by your own immodesty
Possibly
It's the principle
You strut the earth like you're invincible
Clothes tight
Short
Shape visible
Too visual
A coquette in fact
And you think he's looking cause he likes that
Well to clue you in, it's because you lack tact
And I'm tired of naked chicks being mad when men react
Aint nothing wrong with covering yourself to get respect back
And don't expect that
He'll respect that
It's illogical for you to request it
So don't even stress it
Your body is your beauty
But you gotta learn how to protect it

Expression of a Hijabi

Don't feel sorry for me because I cover, be happy that my beauty is undiscovered, and only known by one brother.

I'm on a mission

To dispel the misconceptions about Islam.
To enjoin good and forbid the evils of mankind, even if it be against my own soul.
To spread truth to all four corners of the earth, single-handedly.
To learn something new each day.
To prepare for my next journey.
To become a better person with each waking moment.
To take risks that I had no courage to take before now.
To teach the world everything I know, which is an iota of nothing, but someone may know less.
To be so loving, that no one can speak of me without saying, I am a loving person. To let the world know and understand this statement: "No more hate." Shout outs to Khalil Ismail. One love, one Ummah!

Please

Inspire me once more. Read between the lines. Make a difference. Be different. Pave the way. Now, it's time to put the mirror away.

This Marriage (Rumi)

May these vows and this marriage be blessed. May it be sweet milk, this marriage, like wine and halvah. May this marriage offer fruit and shade like the date palm. May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day a day in paradise. May this marriage be a sign of compassion, a seal of happiness here and hereafter. May this marriage have a fair face and a good name, an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky. I am out of words to describe how spirit mingles in this marriage.

It aint for me

It's either up or down,
disbelievers move around,
because I fear the sound of His wrath.
Thunderstorms,
lightening,
tornado's during overcast.
Lifeless bodies in caskets,
souls captured in Barzakh waiting to pass it.
Faith, do you have it?
I can only hope I do truthfully,
maybe the truth I speak will testify for me,
cuz hell is hot,
and it aint for me.

I'm not worried

At all!!! I'm just not. I have what it takes to make it, having nothing to do with me at all. I have it, and like I said before, I'm not worried!

Sundae

Sunday morning is like, coffee. Refreshing! Wouldn't you like to spend it with me? When I was growing up, my family always had a big breakfast on Saturday or Sunday morning. You'd never know who was gonna cook, or what they would make. Ummi/mommy might make chicken livers (I don't care if you like it, because I do) smothered in onions, with eggs and toast. Abi/daddy might make some quiche ,with roasted potatoas, and some type of bread to go along. And Abi would ALWAYS make the BEST coffee with all kinds of mixtures and spices in it, mmmmmh! If it was Hushy, she'd try some old fashioned southern biscuits, grits and eggs. My lovely bro Soupy (don't ask why we call him that), would definitely make a conoction of eggs and veggies, fluffy and perfectly rounded pancakes, sausage and the most tasty chai. Hmm, now my oldest sis ding-dong, oh goodness! I can't even explain what she would make because it was so exotic. Like, really, there's nothing that could explain it. Ok so, I'm gonna try anyway! She would make this baked waffle called, "dutch babies." One day on my show I'll make it for you guys to see. It would have whip-cream and jam on it, oh my goodness! With eggs she would cook in a saucepan on the top of the stove that had steamed brocolli in it, then put it in the oven for a few minutes. And along with that would be some home fries....and she could make some killer coffee too. And then, ok, I have alot of brothers and sisters so I'm gonna stop now. I don't want to bore you all. But, I'ma put it like this, the weekends were fun at my house.

Sunday is so beautiful for many reasons. I mean, it's like a spring day, so bright and inspiring. But, when it rains it brings peace and tranquility. It's the last day of your weekend, the day on which you leave to rest (if you have completed your list of "things to do") and chill before the week starts. It's family day, it's "I can't believe my weekend is over" day. It's, wow "did I get all my washing in" day? I LOVE SUNDAY!!!! Oh, and especially, SUNDAY MORNING!

Sunday morning, waking up, is the BEST feeling ever man! I feel, happy...and, like I want to share this feeling with everyone. Idk, when I woke up this morning I felt at peace for some reason.

The weather is beautiful,
Sun beaming,
Heart beating,
Soul seeking
Reaching
For the stars, I like to do,
It's kind of like,
When I reach for you,
Because I know you're reaching for me too,
And since your soul is so amazing,
It hovers above me,
Like the moon and the stars be,
Inspired by unity,
The air is so lovely,
Cooling,
Breezy,
Sun steaming,
But yet,
It still feels good outside.
It's Sunday morning, and I'm alive,
That's a reason enough for me to smile

Don't ask, because I don't know. I was so moved to just start writing, and when you feel the urge to write, you HAVE TO WRITE! Don't let that moment pass because you will lose it. It will be gone forever, and who knows if those words will ever come back to you in the same way. Even if they are corny, you can always work with words, or word with works. If you're a writer you will understand this post, but if you're not....I don't know what to tell you. Just please, always cherish Sunday, and it's morning!

I love you!

Creating That Bridge

I've been thinking alot lately. Today I was thinking about a story someone related on Facebook the other day, that made me really upset. A brother was commenting about Pink Hijab Day, he said he was in a conversation with a few sisters who were saying that participating in it was un-islamic. This to me, is disturbing for more reasons than one. Let me explain... First, I want to start by saying Islam has already been perfected by Allah, so there is no reason to add to it, nor subtract anything from it. I don't understand why some of us muslims (and I include myself in order to remain humble), act so exclusively. In my understanding of the deen, Islam teaches unity, respect for all, as well as supports the involvement and participation in our respective communites. October 28th, Pink Hijab Day, to me was a way for us to give dawah, help a good cause, and begin to bridge the gap between Mislims and non-Muslims.We are suppose to be teaching others about Islam by being exemplary citizens of our country. How can we do that if we are displaying behaviors similar to extremists. Islam is about moderation in everything you do. You should neither be too extreme, nor too relaxed about the way you practice it's laws. Is it just me, or does it seem too extreme to say that Pink Hijab day is un-islamic, and Muslim ladies should not also bring awareness about, and for this cause?I'd like to mention that my intentions for writing this blog, were not to call anyone out, nor to say anything negative about my Muslim sisters. But, to inspire one to contemplate on why we do things, and what effect it can have on others. Are Muslims not a part of the population which suffer from cancer?<---just rhetoric. Of course we are. I am afflicted by Asthma, so should I not join a support group for those suffering from this condition? I think, in creating unity, we Muslims have GOT to be more accepting of everyone else.How can we say on one hand, that we are not accepted by non-Muslims, yet on the other, act in an exclusive manner towards them. If I can be the voice for a good cause, add diversity to a group, or support someone who is suffering, that I will be and do. The only reason I may not do so, is if I am asked to defy or dishonor my religion, or take off my hijab. THEN we may have a problem! But until then, I wish to play a big role in society. Please Muslim ladies and men, can we work towards unity for the sake of Allah. But, as individuals we must encourage others to do the same. If we are not on the same page, how can we get anyone on our side?Practice what you preach, and learn before you teach. Yeah I just made the second part up, cute huh? LoL! Seriously, to conclude "love conquers all," try to conquer it within you, so that you can spread it wherever you go InshaAllah. And if you have love in your heart for Allah, then it too will reside therein for all of creation.I am working on myself each day, He is not done with me yet.

He said.....

This is what I will be for him........"And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect." Al-Room (30-21) Now reflect on that...........

Halfdate.com

So, I joined this wonderful site a few weeks back, and it's all about giving for the sake of Allah, and charity. They say "promoting Sadaqah with half a date or a pleasant word," and I don't know about you, but that's something I want to be a part of. So, if you too, want to be a part of this, this is what you can do. If you have an inspirational story about generosity, kindness and giving, which can be about your own experience or someone you know. Send it in. InshaAllah your story will be featured within a month as part of an ebook, which motivates and inspires others to give and act kindly. You can even contribute money to/for this cause, no matter how big or small your donation. And Allah says.... Al Baqarah: Ayat 274
"Those who (in charity) spend of their goods by night and by day, in secret, and in public, have their reward with their Lord: on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve." Here's where you can go: http://halfdate.com/

Blank

I guess I just woke up as a total blank today. It's not that nothing is on my mind, or I have no feelings, but I just feel sort of...empty to some degree. Maybe it's me, but sometimes I feel like my connection with Allah is too distant. And the worste part about that, is that I know it's because of me. Because He is never distant, He is always there, He is always close. So I will, reach for Him today, and every day thereafter. He is waiting for me to call on Him.....


Ya Allah......................

Never, EVER....

Let anyone disguise the beauty of Allah (God). He is with you wherever you are, and no matter what you do. He does not love conditionally. Therefor, His love is ever-existing, ever-merciful, ever-abundant. He is your reason for this short journey, so make sure along the road to never forget Him and your purpose for being here. Which is to find your way back to Him, through Him.

Inspirational thoughts.

Where

Can I find the most happiness,
the most confidence,
the most inner peace.....

With him, through Him.

Studying

In doing this, I often-times find my thoughts drifting off into outer space. Today, they brought me to some interesting ideas about the world, and how it is functioning. To me, it seems like we've come a long way, but there's so much more to achieve. Yet there's no time left. Does that mean we give up, or put in more work? For me, it means working until my soul is slipped from my body. I am being the change I want to see, but it's not nearly enough. I'll continue attempting to inspire people until the entire world has become proactive, and works in unison. Will you help me, or not?

Metaphor

He is like, a metaphor.
But....
Not like one I've met before
My domestic chore
He's a score, like 10!
Touchdown!Field goal!
My heart and soul
He's so....
I can't even describe him
Like the treasure of my island
He's mine and.....I love him.

One word

Discover.

"I am" Firm Cipher

I am a poetess
I am an artist
So, excuse me while I introduce myself
I'm gonna play spades with the cards my colleagues just dealt
See, I seek to uplift the people
Your spiritual
Physical,
And your mental health
I am an artist
I sketch images with an asphalt pencil,
I don't need a stencil for this outline, I'll take it line by line
Or one line at a time
Call me a muralist, cause my wall is as tall as china
But, it's just that I'm finer
I'm like, that, religious reminder
Chrysalis in the mix, now picture this
Pixels couldn't exist without my verbal contribution to the element
I am the relevance
And it's evident that no lyracist is as verbal-genic as this
My photos tell stories of your past untold
Get vividly awaken while the history unfolds
Let your breath go,
Pens drop when I speak because you froze
I'ma rephrase
You're freezing
You're thoughts are on hold cause I'm cold
But I don't scold
I speak softly
Mold minds seeking to find the truth
The future is in the productivity of the youth
So i'm here for you
Call on me and I'll show you the proof
And I don't write with a pen, I write with a lighter
How else could a small-framed poetess spit fire?
Aloof from wordly desire
It's all about the higher
And He's my only reason for being a writer
By the way have you seen my collage?
Including font versatily, Snippets of melody, speech veracity, and that's not even the half of it
It's a montage of thoughts
And I can't even explain it
I mean, my composition is so sick that I'm starting to catch it
So, when I sneeze, please bless it
This is purity, morals, and vicous truth resurrected
I am a poetess

I like....

Long walks on the beach. (not a cliche, I really do like them).
To stare in to the sky at dawn, or dusk, or ever.
Coffee.
Jewelry.
Singing until my throat hurts to strengthen my voice.
Trying something mildy courageous I've never tried before.
Hashbrowns.
Pure essential oils.
Pure body oils.
Chilled fruit.
Chips w/dip.
Acapella songs.
Cleaning.
Serving.
Having fun.
Love.

Only a list of a few things. There's no way I could say everything now. Or ever tell everything I like. I find myself to be a versatile person, so the list continues forever.

I would say what I don't like, but I'll leave that for another post, on another day.

Just make sure you continue to read my rights. :)

Just, tell me...

Tell me the truth. From the mouths of the youth.
Tell me, what inspires you.
Because, I'm inspired too.
Just tell me....is it me, or is it you?

This is where you can find me

I've been trying to be more focused, and productive lately. It's been working I'll say, 75 percent of the time. I'm writing, recording, and learning alot about myself. I love the fact that life is evolution. At this point I'm growing so much that, I find my emotions are trying to catch up with my mind, or vice versa. I don't know which is growing faster. I started school/college in Spring of 2007, and my life got flipped upside down right afterwards, so I had to discontinue. I decided to go back last Fall. Something happened and i didn't make any of the deadlines to be enrolled. But, this fall, 2009, I'm back. With everything else i'm doing, it's hard to focus on studying...even though I know it should be number one.

I feel that my life experiences are an example of what it is to struggle. To come from nothing, yet never give up on what you want to achieve. When you have been through turmoil and back, you can inspire people, and give hope to those who may want to let go. Oh, and as for "where you can find me," right here writing. Or: facebook.com/beetrue, myspace.com/beetruew, youtube.com/beetrue09.........I have so many thoughts in my head, it's becoming a blur....I'm sorry, I have to go now......

Bells

80 days? Maybe more.......can I wait? Guess we'll have to wait and see.

Youtube.com

Here I come. You just wait, I got something serious going on. Getcha clicks ready!

I've learned that....

If you love too hard, you may get hurt. But if you love too weak, you may miss love. So just...love. Not too hard, but defintely not too weak. It's like, the love you give is the lyric, but the love you receive is the speech. They go hand in hand. But how come it seems that love for me is never reached? I know I give, but I always lose. I know I'm 100, but I always get the dude that's confused, or fake, or just not right for me. See, this feeling inside of me is real, and I never deny them because I like to keep it real, so here's the deal. I'm gonna continue to give no matter if i receive, and I'll be waiting until the very last day, even if you deceive. Get it?

How I feel......

1. Like my aspirations have lost it's imaginative quality, and become a reality. I'm close to taking that step.



2. As if dreaming for me, is no longer an option. I must bring my dreams to fruition and relinquish settling for less.



3. I feel that if two people want to be together, they should be together.



4. If you have a goal which you believe reaching is unattainable, no matter what you do, never give up trying to. Through that struggle you will find growth within you, even if you never reach the goal. Which to me, is not an option either.



5. I have so much love in my heart for mankind, I sometimes am a target for being mistreated. Although through realizing this I have yet to give up on God's creation, it often hurts to reflect on it.

"Im contemplatin hatin you, debatin outcomes that relate to you, a constant on my mind I hate this truth, not one can match the things you do. And I can say it now, I always knew: No matter what goes down Im there for you, a fixture in my life, you've never moved. I wonder how much more I have to prove?" Tay sodan

The Dunya

 It's an entrapment, do not become trapped in it. I gotta keep telling myself that every day. Survival tactics.

Every. Story. Sounds. Excellent. Linking. Judiciousness. And. Youth. *Plug*

Live and let live.

Give and let give.

Speak don't preech.

Be don't just speak.

Set an example.

Food for thought

My heart has opened up to the posibility of kissing success.
History relays a message of fear, but I no longer relate to him.
Because this my dear, is the beginning of the road. Who said you can not start over?
I will not be discouraged by anything or anyone. Here it comes!

I'm back, even though I never said I was leaving. I went to Trinidad for an intense fashion design course for a month. Learned alot. We'll have to catch up soon....

UmmIbn

Just call me UmmIbn, because Umm means Mother of and Ibn means son of, and since I'm the Mother of my son can anyone tell me who he's the son of? A nation that was taught to hate instead of love. I'm tired of history repeating that same old song, no father in the house, and it's been centuries too long. For me to tell that same tired story, complaining about restless nights and days are slowly passing me by, written in permanent ink so I won't ask why. Where is the baton? Abi's getting too old to be a prominent example for Shakur, Salim and Abdus Salaam.


So just call me UmmIbn, because Umm means Mother of and Ibn means son of, and since I'm the Mother of my son can anyone tell me who he's the son of? I have slowly forgotten, because I'm Mother and father, and since Islam is supposed to make the difference I want to know why you chose me to dishonor? See I was raised for that special moment every little girl dreams about, when a man gives his hand, to a man who takes his daughter's hand, and the end result are two hands, locking under the mistletoe of unity. So where is the baton? If you are not around, you can't hand it to Isa, Siddiq and Imran.


So I chose the label UmmIbn, because Umm means Mother of and Ibn means son of, and since I'm the Mother of my son can anyone tell me who he's the son of? My skin is no longer soft and words are not softly-spoken, I am now not the beautiful token of Islam. More like a tired, run down woman, with no protection from this land. I am now aggressive and angry, petite but not dainty, but I can remember those days faintly. Because they were too long ago, and now I have to go, out daily to make ends meet, and I have to deal with Robert, Tom and Pete. While they whisper about my beauty. Because you dropped the baton instead of handing it down to Hassan, Musa and Sha'baan


So my title is UmmIbn, because Umm means Mother of and Ibn means son of, and since I'm the Mother of my son can anyone tell me who he's the son of? There is no father figure, and since my figure is not showing it makes my options slimmer. Islam narrows my mind but I am not narrow minded, The deen dictates I choose, from faith and truth, but if no one is living true, then what is left to do? Soon I'll have to walk into other religious sanctuaries just like christians and jews, and maybe I'll find a Mr. Do and change my last name to don't, so that this time I won't have to play two roles ultimately. So I'll ask once again, where is the Baton? That you were supposed to carry along until it was time, to pass it on to Muzzamil, Qasim and Ridwan?


I'll never give up on you, it's just that I had to make a decision. So just call me UmmIbn.


© 2009 Firm Entertainment

If I wasn't True, I'de just Bee. But I'de rather BeeTrue....

Now I realize that once you start depending on people other than Allah, things never seem to work out as good as you'de like them too. Not saying they can't have a positive outcome, because Allah chooses people as vehicles through which He will manifest things...but the dependence must be on Him, and Him alone. That's when you can reach a state of contentment.

Hmmm, don't take every word I write, or recite, and apply it to me. I don't want anyone walking up to me saying, you said "such and such" but you do, "such and such." I strive to be as real as my peices are, and sometimes I fall short. Each word will testify against me. If I do not at least, make an intention to be half of what they are, what is the purpose of writing? Through the art of writing, I believe there is so much to gain, yet so much to lose. You have to "Bee" real, honest and "True," or else you should not be a writer. In conclusion, keep it real, and place your trust in Him. You're bound to be successful...

"Love with Him is transcendent, mysticism, ritualistic spirituality. I can't handle the Him in me, so I try to find the medium in He. But He is beyond mediocrity, He is the beginning and end of me." This short peice is about Allah/God, but also a man. I thought, maybe it is disrespectful to write something that had to do with both. I thought twice, and told myself, maybe not. I think I could make it work. Allah is so much more than words could explain, so I'de rather not try to explain Him at all. But, like I say above, He encompasses all of those things. Our Messenger Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) says "If I were to command a single person to bow in prostration to another person, I could have commanded a women to bow down ( in obedience and respect , not in worship) to her husband.” Reported by both Bukhari and Muslim. This is a prime example as to why I would reference both Allah and any created being in the same peice. Not to make it seem as though Allah is on the same level, NEVER! More to acknowledge the respect that is owed to man/men. All too often I think we ladies get the short end of the stick, but I feel just as strongly about men these days. A man is deserving of much more than what women these days give. And if there is no God in your life, then there should be no man. If you do not understand who God is, then you can not, and will not understand the role a man should play in your life. "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."-Author unknown. I love this quote because it is so true. There is always a medium to find. Loving and respecting a man should never take precedence over God, but he should not be disregarded either. In fact, God is first and your husband comes thereafter. Even a spiritual leader, no matter what creed you belong to, comes after your husband, in many situations. It's so important to know and understand this, and when I look around me, so few women do. Some see it as oppression, or getting played, or belittling yourself. When it is none of the sort. I feel so blessed to have been able to understand this in so. Hmm, my way of writing is so choppy unless it is for a formal purpose. Because my thoughts are so sporadic I can't help it, I want you to know how my mind works. From your's truly.....

T.I.M.E.- TRAPPED IN MY EXISTENCE

Clear, with white sand contained therein
Wide at top and bottom, middle pulled in
This time capsule, I call it the hourglass of life
We're living the last days and most of us can't tell wrong from right
But time is not on our side
And I keep finding myself in a pool of complacency
But it continues to pass me by
I want to be patient, but still have the nerve to ask God why
And although I know this life and the next will never collide
I'm still drowning from the pull of temptation
Sin surrounds me, and I keep falling
Losing concentration
I lost my equilibrium during contemplation
And the youth think that faith is less important than recreation
So I want to be an example for them
But I'm no better, cause I'm in the same situation
So what can we do as a whole to implement change in a lost nation?
Or teach deen to people who act like they don't
know the laws of Allah's creation
And I'm just so impatient
Trying to remain focused, stationed
Tall, firm, convinced, consistent and in preperation
Because this is a mere journey and it's going to end soon
Time is not waiting for me to get my deeds straight
And it's not going to slow down for me to repent and clean my slate
And sometimes I think, if Kiraaman and Katibeen pause in writing
Maybe I can swiftly flip over my plate
Start anew
Maybe move to a different state
But I know that even after that I'de still slip up again
Because, what do you expect? I'm only human
There's no erasing the marking of Al- Qalam
Or ink of the divine pen
In the Lawhe Mahfooz it was already written
And since I'm accepted by the Ummah as is
I'de rather deny that i'm struggling, relax and join the masses
You know so I figure, maybe I should just give up
Forget it, my glass is half empty
I mean for every bad habit, just give me a dollar and penny
I bet you I'de be rich before the day's ending
But it's ok, because Al-Ghaffar promises to forgive me
And truthfully, I'm never gonna give up
Just begin to supplicate intensely
One day I'll be released
And no longer be
TRAPPED IN MY EXISTENCE

© 2009 Firm Entertainment

Hello, my name is Bee Watts, I am ** yrs. old and I have an addiction. My therapist told me to put down my pen, but I didn't understand why, so I didn't listen. He told me to get a pencil, contemplate my feelings, then use it to depict'em. I said "I'm sorry I can't, only pens work magic in my book cause they have the best diction."

The Weave....

Please, let me quote a talented writer here...

"for the love of the lost, the hate of the law, and the love of Allah I fear none but one."

Indeed this (picture) must be a prime example of "the lost." Ladies and gentlemen, why do we accept this? This is a poor representation of a woman. It's un-real, un-realistic, and un-acceptable, all in one. I don't believe there is one man on this earth that finds this attractive. I'm torn between thinking being genuine is so unimportant these days that no one cares enough to even give it a try, and, that real women feel the need to compete with the artificial women that walk the streets of Hollywood. It's ashame! This society will not change unless we, the people, demand it to change. Instead of us worrying about whether or not someone accepts who we really are, we have to begin the process of accepting who we are, as we are. I was just so disappointed when I saw this today, I felt obligated to share it with everyone.

8 Bars For You

In this o-cean we are floa-tin in love. When, will we make it happen?

I'm explod-in with emo-tion, you and my feel-ins keep me enchanted

Love, you have me mesmerized, have me hypnotized, do you realize?

Love, grab a rope and tie, it for you and I, representing souls synchronized

My confession, complete expression, no second guessin, can you hear me?

My complexion, your perfection, me expecting, succes and longevity

This is an epiphany, now I can clearly see, that you and me, must believe

In the reality, of the epitome, that us is we, in love for eternity

"I'm gonna misuse my pen, abuse my pencil, harass this paper, and attack your temples. My mental concoctions are innovations at least. A lyrical princess and a verbal priest."

The Word

• I will not be categorized as anything. There are many things I am, but many more I'm not, so do not try to box me up. You see I am a Muslim lady, with purpose and mission on the tip of my pen. So I pick up my paper and I write. I write the description, hereby explaining to you in scripting, the plan for my life. Praying, speaking, spreading the light. This motion picture is taking flight. And my sight sees so far my dreams it outlives. So with these words I'll inspire and unify our father Adams kids.

• I will not be your cover girl. But this covered girl will be the leading example for ladies all over the world. My firm beliefs moves the minds and hearts of the youthful and the wise. This passion you see in my eyes is not a statement. Merely a mental state, meant to motivate you, It's hard when you deny the truth so don't try to. Listen with your heart and it will lead you in the right direction.

• I will not be bound by your derogatory terms. I'm not a terrorist, extremist, jihadist, supremacist, but an activist I am. And I'm just acting through poetry so you can understand Islam. My way of life does not encompass compulsion. My way through strife is through purity and devotion. This universe will be my stage and I'll traverse it with my poetry. Leave powerful expressions in ya mind so next time we meet you'll know it's me. You can call me BeeTrue and poetess if you'de like, but I'm nothing more than a slave, with some paper, a pen and a mic.

• And I'm the first lady of the Firm Movement. It's the Firm, move, meant to bridge the gaps of the Ummah; And I'm ready to move in unison. This unit sends a message to the people, and it's just the beginning so listen. From lips to ears verses travel through air, impressing upon you this commitment. And I'm not committed to the people, my loyalty is to the word. Just like the subject predicate owns the verb, this is about taking a stand to be firm.

© 2009 Firm Entertainment